6 Years and Counting……

Peace, love, and abundant light fam! Today I celebrate the 6th year of my loc journey!! 6 years of retwists (when I feel like it lol), coconut/almond oil to the scalp, getting a workout washing them, feeling them on my naked back and swearing a bug was crawling on me, having my children lay in my arms and push them out of their way or laying on my hair when they snuggle next to me, ugly days when I choose to wrap them in one of my lovely headwraps, people assuming that I am a total weed head, and people asking if they are “mine”.  Each year I have created a different list of lessons I have learned. I always say that the growth I have experienced is much more than my hair. But even beyond the beauty in my journey, there has been ugliness, pain, pruning, and loss. Growing up is not easy by any means but I can never go backwards because there is no progress in that action.

Recently a few of my locs have shed and a few dead ends have fallen off. Just a few nights ago as I removed a ponytail, an end of one of them came of with the hair tie. I gently placed it in my jewelry box. Don’t be weirded out; I grew up with a family who believed that you should never throw your hair away. You either burn it or keep it in the Bible lol. I realize that those dead ends represent a few areas of my life that have also fallen dead- relationships that ended, ways and thoughts that I had to let go, behaviors that I have used for years that were not conducive to my growth.

It is painful to go deep within to find more shortcomings when you think that you are doing “so well”.  It hurts to admit your own failures when you have been a perfectionist all of your natural life. Sometimes the feelings of regret begin to creep in when I reflect on decisions I have made in the past. I can see the repercussions of those decisions play out like a movie oftentimes and the dread fills my chest like lead.  But, that’s life. No one is perfect and we have ALL made decisions that may not have been wise or well thought out. When I feel that regret nagging my spirit, I force myself to also remember that I have grown, I am not the same person I used to be, not even who I was yesterday and I have tons of great attributes that have positively affected my life and the lives of others so.

I have overcome so much in my 36 years of life- molestation, rape, abandonment, homelessness, tragic losses, abuse….and yet I continue to smile, laugh, and give of myself to this world. Am I where I want to be in life, no, but I appreciate my position. I am a mother, I am now a Yeye (grandmother), I am a writer, I am a poet, I am a nurse, I am an herbalist, I am a speaker, I am a coach, I am a teacher, I am my family’s historian, I am a sister among many beautiful sisters, I am so many wonderful things. I give of myself daily, providing advice and guidance to souls who have no one to assist them on their life’s journey. I extend my love throughout the world through my words and videos. I expose my pain and use my experiences as a healing salve to the broken spirits of others.

So, cheers to me! 6 years of kicking ass and taking names, of growth, high buns, headwraps, red lipstick, Afrikan jewelry, and reclaiming my name, time, space, and life. Let the journey continue……..

 

One Love,

Ashaki

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Peace, love, and light fam and happy Saturday! It is a cold day here in my city of Charlotte, NC. But, I thoroughly enjoy cold weather lol. When I step outside, inhale the brisk air, and look into the clear sky, I am reminded that I am alive. It may be trivial to some, but the coldness reminds me of my life, to breathe, and to realize that my life is my own, but I digress.

I am uber excited for upcoming projects that I am working on. I know you may be thinking, “What is she working on now?” I cannot help but to create. It is a passion of mine and I must feed it. Anywho, I wanted to just drop in quickly to check in everyone. I realize that my reach may not be as far as I would like at this time, but I must continue  to speak my truth and share my stories.

I recently had someone tell me that the things I share has greatly improved the quality of their life. It stirred my soul to hear. We never truly can know the impact that we have on others in this digital world. There are people reading and watching that we may never meet personally. Sharing these digital spaces with you, sharing aspects of my journey, and being unapologetically me is not only therapeutic for me but it is empowering. We all have a story, we all have pearls of wisdom, we all can be impactful. I will continue to share, I will continue to inspire, I will continue to give the best of me to this world until the day comes for this life to end. It is only right.

 

Peace to the World,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Suicidal Thoughts……

Peace, love, and abundant light everyone! Hope all is well with you. I decided to do something different today. I usually never pay attention to trending topics but I decided to just look at topics relating to life and what people were interested in, searching for, and in need of. I saw topics ranging from meditation to finding their life purpose. But, one topic that really struck a cord with me was the topic of suicide.

I did a little research and discovered some shocking facts. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

  1. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States
  2. Each year 44, 193 deaths by suicide each year
  3. For every 1 suicide, there are 25 attempts
  4. There is an average 121 suicides a day

Now, you may be asking yourself, why is Ashaki talking about such a morbid topic? Well, would you have every guessed that I attempted to commit suicide twice in my life. As much as I speak about light, love, and the beauty of life, I know the darkness that life can hold. Each time when I made the decision to end my life, I felt that there was nothing left for me, that life had dealt me a terrible hand, and that the world would be better if I were no longer in it. How selfish and foolish I had been! I spoke ill over my own life. I mean I absolutely hated my life and could not see past my own pain and issues to see just how much I mean to others and how much impact my life could have on others.

I came to the realization that my purpose on this planet though not well known to me, was most definitely real just by the fact that I had been born. I began to nourish my soul through prayer, meditation, and by pursuing the things that make my soul sing. Writing became therapeutic, as did dancing, exercise, and listening to music. I spent time with friends. I spoke out about my issues and began to deal with things I had buried deep in the recesses of my mind years ago. I began to peel back the layers of protection I built up and get real. I cried, and cried, and cried. But, then I saw the resilience I have, I saw how I had successfully navigated really dangerous situations, extreme dysfunction, and at times unbelievable circumstances. I deliberately would say to myself “I love you “to myself until I believed it.

I never spoke of wanting to end my life for many years. I was embarrassed and I felt weak but then I realized that being able to not end my life was not embarrassing but it was an act of courage. I began to share my story with a few people and so many people have shared with me feelings of wanting to commit suicide, even attempts. The reward for me has been to here from someone that something I shared help them to make a different decision. It is my belief that if more people shared their story, more lives could be saved. To those who may have thought about ending their life, please know that your life matters and as long as you have a heartbeat, you have a purpose. Your life is not a mistake and though life can be daunting, it is still good. I truly believe that life is what you make it. Your perspective and your attitude towards life can literally determine how your days play out. Reflect on the great things in your life and think of the people who love you, care for you, who depend on you. You matter and your life is precious.

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali