In light of all of the recent stories of suicides, I felt compelled to speak on the topic. I have heard people say some very judgmental and very hurtful things. So, here I sit this Friday afternoon, thinking and writing about the times when I contemplated and even attempted to commit suicide.
I liken my past experience with suicidal thoughts as being in a dark pit, feeling myself sinking but not having the strength or willpower to fight against drowning. At the times I have been in those positions, people in my life thought I had it all together. I was a nurse, raising a young family, volunteering in my community, and contributing to the world at large. They really knew my life was great. Sadly, it was not.
However, no one could see inside my mind and heart. I was struggling- struggling with strained familial relationships, struggling with traumas from my past, struggling with financial issues, just struggling. I felt as if I would be worth more if I were dead. It was awful. I felt like I was lugging around sacks of despair. I had become a “bag lady” as Erykah Badu sang about so beautifully.
As I sit here and think back carefully, I realize that I have been fighting feelings of depression, inferiority, and regret for most of my life. Nevertheless, I fought past those feelings and chose to continue to live.
But, so many people give up the fight. They become weary and the overwhelming feeling of wanting the pain to go away causes them to end their life. A lot of people feel that suicide is a cop out but in my life, suicide seemed to be an option to put an end to the incessant misery.
I believe we all owe a debt to our society to at least check up on people. The disconnection between people is wide and intimacy is has been flung out the window. We live in a world of feigned connection. Social media has taken away true socializing, and likes, shares, and commenting have taken away conversation. We have to do better. People are hurting, struggling, and considering ending it all. Let’s help them. Check on your people. Consider it because one day, it could be you.