Suicidal Thoughts……

Peace, love, and abundant light everyone! Hope all is well with you. I decided to do something different today. I usually never pay attention to trending topics but I decided to just look at topics relating to life and what people were interested in, searching for, and in need of. I saw topics ranging from meditation to finding their life purpose. But, one topic that really struck a cord with me was the topic of suicide.

I did a little research and discovered some shocking facts. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

  1. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States
  2. Each year 44, 193 deaths by suicide each year
  3. For every 1 suicide, there are 25 attempts
  4. There is an average 121 suicides a day

Now, you may be asking yourself, why is Ashaki talking about such a morbid topic? Well, would you have every guessed that I attempted to commit suicide twice in my life. As much as I speak about light, love, and the beauty of life, I know the darkness that life can hold. Each time when I made the decision to end my life, I felt that there was nothing left for me, that life had dealt me a terrible hand, and that the world would be better if I were no longer in it. How selfish and foolish I had been! I spoke ill over my own life. I mean I absolutely hated my life and could not see past my own pain and issues to see just how much I mean to others and how much impact my life could have on others.

I came to the realization that my purpose on this planet though not well known to me, was most definitely real just by the fact that I had been born. I began to nourish my soul through prayer, meditation, and by pursuing the things that make my soul sing. Writing became therapeutic, as did dancing, exercise, and listening to music. I spent time with friends. I spoke out about my issues and began to deal with things I had buried deep in the recesses of my mind years ago. I began to peel back the layers of protection I built up and get real. I cried, and cried, and cried. But, then I saw the resilience I have, I saw how I had successfully navigated really dangerous situations, extreme dysfunction, and at times unbelievable circumstances. I deliberately would say to myself “I love you “to myself until I believed it.

I never spoke of wanting to end my life for many years. I was embarrassed and I felt weak but then I realized that being able to not end my life was not embarrassing but it was an act of courage. I began to share my story with a few people and so many people have shared with me feelings of wanting to commit suicide, even attempts. The reward for me has been to here from someone that something I shared help them to make a different decision. It is my belief that if more people shared their story, more lives could be saved. To those who may have thought about ending their life, please know that your life matters and as long as you have a heartbeat, you have a purpose. Your life is not a mistake and though life can be daunting, it is still good. I truly believe that life is what you make it. Your perspective and your attitude towards life can literally determine how your days play out. Reflect on the great things in your life and think of the people who love you, care for you, who depend on you. You matter and your life is precious.

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

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New Additions!

Peace, love, and abundant light everyone! It has been a minute since I have had a chance to put my fingers to the keys and let go but here I am, on Friday the 13th nonetheless. Let me insert a disclaimer here: I do not view Friday 13th as a bad day, day of bad luck, or any of the other superstitions that exist in this world.

I received the most precious gift from my oldest Sun on September 28th in the form of a new grandsun and I am absolutely over the moon in love with him! Yes, you read that correctly—I am a Yeye, a nanny, a glam-ma lol and I am so overjoyed. I spent this past weekend with them and I literally sat in the nursery, rocking him, changing him, talking to him, and igniting his chakras with crystals—all the things a Yeye should do.

I have been meditating on the aspect of having a grandsun and I have come to the conclusion that I should continue to be as transparent and authentic as I am. He will find peace and love and joy within the confines of his Yeye’s home. I will teach him things that he will never hear in any classroom in America. He will be allowed to express himself honestly and without fear of being judged. I will strive to be the very best nana that I can possibly be.

I wrote a blog post about being a teenage mother not too long ago. I knew that it was a possibility of my becoming a grandmother in my 30’s. My life has been far from “normal”, whatever the hell that means. And I would not have it any other way.  I view life as a grand adventure- a time for us to experience things fully and this new life that we have been blessed with is yet another adventure and lesson for us all.  Life is a lovely circle, ever moving and expanding. Jaidan is another ring in our family’s circle……

 

Peace & Abundance,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Patience is Truly a Virtue

Peace, love, and light fam and Happy Friday! It has been a while since my last blog post but here I am nonetheless. The word for this week for me is P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E!! I have had my patience tested from all directions, been pulled this way and that, and felt like I had been raked across the proverbial coals. But, alas, I am still here, still found a way to smile, and successfully survived a very hellish week. So, one could say that I am #Winning! (Insert cackle here!)

I sometimes am unaware of how organized I am and how controlling I can be. I also experience high levels of anxiety when things are not flowing as I would like. But, as Super as I am , I am also still just a spirit having a human experience. I am introverted as well so I need my alone time. Being in the world can be a bit overwhelming for me and I feel like fleeing at times. And add to all of that the fact that I am a mother. Whoooosaaaahhhhh!!

I said all of that to say this, take every challenge as a lesson and grow from them. I have learned 5 major lessons this week:

  1. Plan for the unexpected.
  2. My time management skills need tweeking.
  3. Be grateful for the small things.
  4. Continue self care practices even in rough times
  5. Never ignore your gut instinct.

I know my list may seem random but trust me, everything that could have gone haywire (plan for the unexpected); time was not on my side but most of it was my fault for not planning properly; I still have a home to go to , awesome friends/family, a lovely spirit, and pure soul (small things); my shoulder is killing me because I have neglected doing yoga and my mind is scattered from not meditating, and lastly, all of the above could have gone differently if I had followed my first instinct.

Now everyone say “OMMMMMMMMM!” In the words of Russell Simmons, I am zen as fuck…..And more prepared to go into battle…….
Have an awesome weekend everyone and remember the word of the day is patience—patience is surely a virtue.

 

Au Revoir,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Her Life Mattered

Peace, love, and abundant light to all on this marvelous Monday. I am still adjusting to my new home, job, ventures, and return to the city. It is still somewhat surreal but I am thoroughly enjoying the process. I have been feeling like I need to speak on something for a while but I avoided the topic because I truly am still processing the harshness and atrocity of it all.

Bianca Roberson’s name has become known throughout the world because of her murder in a so-called instance of road rage. I have never quelled my words when it came to instances of outright racism. This case and her death is a bit personal for me as her father is a dear friend and confidante of mine. To see him on the news, the pain in his eyes, and the determination in his tone, and the story of her murder, I can only feel rage that this has truly hit home for me.

Bianca had a promising future that was snatched away by some Johnny Come Lately, who I honestly believe to have in his mind that her life was his to take because of an assumed level of superiority. I feel like the explanation given by authorities of this case being one of road rage is a cop out for yet another case of a white person feeling that they have the authority to take the life of any black person they see or encounter.

After he turned himself in, I took a good hard look into his eyes and saw nothing—no emotion, no remorse, no fear. His energy was one of not regret, but of indifference. He didn’t seem to give one care about the life he took and all of the people affected by his disgusting actions. And his look was the same of Dylan Roof and all of the others who chose to take the life of one of our own.

There is one thing that I know will not happen is I know my dear brother will not be on television speaking of forgiving this man. He wants justice on the highest level and I stand with him. Last Friday, her family had to lay her body to rest. I was not able to be present but I was there in spirit. I will travel to see them as soon as possible. I stand with all of the families of those who have been slain because of the hatred of another. And although I teach and live a spiritual lifestyle and speak on transforming a life, I am still fighting for my people and I always will. This fight has just begun and Bianca did not die in vain.

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Embracing a New Existence

Peace, love, and much light fam! Man oh man what a past few weeks has this been. I just moved to a different state this past weekend and I am still processing all that has happened. However, I am very excited for all that the universe has in store for my children and I. I have been super busy over the past month or so and I am enjoying every minute of it.

I wanted to come here and encourage each of you to begin to expect GREATNESS for your own life.  Do not be afraid of living life in a bigger way with a different experience than you ever have before. I admittedly have had to check myself today and yesterday due to me feeling thrown off about my new life. I am living a more affluent neighborhood. There are no liquor stores on every corner, there are no fast food restaurants on every corner, there is no loud music bumping through my neighborhood and guess what? It is absolutely fine for it not to be. I am realizing that I have to get used to a different experience if I want to have a different lifestyle. I am headed towards living my ideal lifestyle and I know and understand that my interactions and surroundings will change as a result.

I have come full circle in my life—once again. I am taking a huge risk once more. Taking risks has always garnered the greatest return. I am embracing the change and realizing my greatest desires in the process. I encourage you to grab life by the proverbial reins and pursue it with the greatest vigor that you can possibly muster. As I always say, life is to be lived. Live it abundantly!!

 

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

I’m Launching a New Business!! #Excited

Peace fam! I hope you are enjoying this beautiful Sunday evening. I am currently sitting on the porch listening to Gregory Isaacs as I write this.  Today has been somewhat strange, yet invigorating to my spirit. Speaking with spiritual people, brings so much light to my spirit! Anyway, I wanted to informally announce my new business. I have literally talked myself out of this way too many times and now I am convinced that this is the time.

True Transformation Life & Health Coaching Services is a company dedicated to helping you find balance, light, and most of all, to assist you to live your best life yet by providing practical and insightful guidance from yours truly. I realize that I have been coaching people for years and it is high time that I share my gifts with the world. I am here to be of assistance and that is what I plan on doing. I am offering coaching packages as well as free gifts for subscribing to my email list. I will be doing free online workshops and talks as well, with much, much more to come in the future. So, if you have not taken time to subscribe to my YouTube channel, Chroniclez of a Lioness, or to this blog, of if you have not reached out to my online on FB or Twitter, please do so. I would love to connect with you!

May 1st is the launch date and I am uber-excited! If you want to learn how to restore the joy to your life, how to find peace in the midst of chaos, or even how I manage to keep smiling even when the storms are raging, stay tuned!! You can find out more about my business and services at www.ashakiali.com

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Beginning—Again

Peace, love, and light fam. This time last year, I was announcing my engagement. Now, here I am single, free, sassy, enlightened, and evolving. I have learned so much since this time last year. For a while, I was sitting in a pile of regret—regret for letting the comfort of one person stop me from experiencing the love of another, regret for being so devoted to family that I sacrificed my life, regret from not pursuing the things that I love wholeheartedly, regret from not believing in my own power.

Now, I feel overwhelming levels of anticipation. I am so ready to start anew, leave all the regrets in the past, and move onward and upward into my life. I am excited really. With each new dawn lies a promise of another chance. I am allowing myself the freedom to pursue and experience all that I desire. Although I am a realist, I am so optimistic about my future and the future of everyone connected to me.

I have taken the last six months to truly reflect on my shortcomings, my failures, my mistakes. Somethings made me cry, some things made me angry, but mostly the reflection made me learn that accountability is so necessary for growth. I cannot play the victim. Each situation that happened only happened because I allowed it. We all have a hand in our own story. I am now choosing to rewrite it.

In the next few months, I will be moving and having new adventures. My tribe (my children) and I are planning some road trips. I am also going deeper into my spiritual practices because in all honesty, my practice is what keeps me rooted, grounded, and sane. I have work to do and I cannot pour from an empty vessel. I must keep myself healthy in all regards. I do hope all is well with everyone. Oh and before I forget, I started a new business that I am in the process of launching—True Transformation Life & Health Coaching Services!!! I am ready to help others find their balance and love the life they live. So, until next time, sending you all high vibrations of peace, love, joy, and abundance…..

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Short and Sweet

Peace, love, and light fam. It is the day of love for many. A day filled with cards, candies, flowers, and stuffed bears, candlelight dinners, overcrowded restaurants, and booked hotel rooms. And although I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day, I choose to reflect on loves in my life and the overall overwhelming energy of the day. I will definitely be carrying my rose quartz crystal on my person today (lol). Anywho, I wanted to share a poem I wrote some time ago about the flirtations of new love……

Eyes met and that was a wrap
What can I say?
You got it like that
Have me giddy
Blushing and shit
A wink does me in
Boy you need to quit!
When you ask me , I will come
When you need me, I will do
Let it be you for me and me for you
As headstrong as I am
As stubborn and as proud
I am putting it all aside
Hanging it up
Cause I know you won’t let
My mess slide
Your strength is my weakness
My dearest love
My most worthy opponent
We fit together perfectly
The best matched components

 

Have a beautiful day, whether you celebrate or not, love is and always will be an undeniable force.

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali

Be Open

Peace, love, and light fam and happy happy Saturday! I hope you all are well, peaceful, and enjoying your weekend. I wanted to take time to share a word with you that seems to be a defining word in my life pattern—change. I used to be very change averse. I did not want to deviate from what was usual in my day and anything that occurred outside of what usually did caused me much heartburn. I mean my attitude would go from Sunnyside up to El Nino lol!

But, now I realize being fluid and open to change is so much more rewarding and allows for me to experience more abundance and overall inner peace. I have said in the past that we should embrace change as a friend, even though change is often difficult. Over the past six months, so much has happened that has not been what most people would feel is good or positive. And I am still going through a lot. However, instead of focusing on the uncomfortableness of this situation, I am taking it all in as lessons. I have found more strength to be with myself. We often run from ourselves, choosing to remain in relationships so as not to be confronted with the truth of who we are. I see myself, flaws and all, and I love her. She has grown much and still is.

I encourage you to find your silver lining. Even though the tears, hurt feelings, the overall pruning experienced through change. I listened to a dear SiStar explain the process diamonds and gems go through before being sold. They must be buffed and shaved and polished in order to shine as brightly as they can. So, as the diamond is cut, so must we be. Do not be afraid to allow your light to shine. Each trial, tribulation, and lesson is buffing you and bringing you into the fullness of your own brilliant inner light. Shine on! Embrace change. Sometimes the best things in life come from what we may feel is unnecessary change. Be open and receive.

Be Your Awesome Self!

Peace peace everyone! I do hope you are enjoying your day/week.  I must admit that this week has been quite challenging and I have had to put my spiritual practices to work in order not to fall into a depression. I know that this is a blog but it is also my diary and I feel comfortable enough within my space and self to keep it all the way funky.

I have said it before and I will say it again, family is NOT defined by blood, meaning that I have family is of no blood relation to me and I have relatives that are not family. It is a very bitter pill for me as I have always, always had a huge amount of love for my blood family. However, I am seeing that my feelings are not going to be reciprocated from some of them and I just have to swallow it and not allow it to make me bitter. I have been ostracized for embracing my cultural roots, for stepping away from tradition that was not serving my higher purpose, for shunning faith for facts, for speaking on injustice, for changing how I eat, even for teaching my children Yoruba phrases (if you can believe that one!).

And the relatives in which I am referring to are quite close, not like a 2nd cousin, twice removed or anything. But, you know what? It is their loss. I am an awesome person and I am not saying that to sound big headed. I have overcome so much and still maintain a high level of integrity and humbleness. I have done great work in my community and am continuing to do so. I am also nowhere near to being done with my self-work. I am working on becoming my greatest version daily.

So, why do I share with you my business? Because I am sure that someone in your family or even friend groups who has treated you poorly for no apparent reason other than you being you. Because most of us have felt like the black sheep at some point (some of us more than others). But mostly because I want to let you know that you are awesome as well! And do not allow anyone to tell you any different. The messages that others give us about what is supposedly wrong with us can sabotage us, stunt our growth, and cause us to give up before we have even begun—often without us even knowing. The subconscious mind is mighty indeed! The things they have said use to play repeatedly in my mind but no more! I changed the tape. Remember we are creators and we have control. We must write our own stories. If someone else has the pen, snatch it from their damn hands!  So, from this day forward, I want you to look in the mirror into your eyes and say “I am enough”. Simple right? Simple and yet poignant. You are absolutely enough! Have a beautiful day….

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali