Missing Grandma

I buried my best friend, my teacher, my buddy, my dear grandma Lillie on this day 18 years ago. 18 years- how in the hell is that possible? It doesn’t seem that so many years should have passed by when her death is still so raw, so fresh, so painful to think about.

I still remember the call. I had been feeling sick at work the entire evening and just a week earlier, I had dreamed that she died. So, when my phone rung at around  11:30 that night, I knew what it was before I heard the dreaded words.

I never thought I would lose her in the tragic manner that I did. But, throughout my life, my grandmother had made it clear that she knew that she wouldn’t live to be a very old woman. She would say ” I ain’t gonna live as long as Mama”. “Mama” was her mother and she lived to be 87. Her death was bitter, life shattering, and mind altering. It rocked our family to the core and the damage from her passing created clear rifts that are beyond repair.

Typically, I am fine on Valentine’s Day and even reminisce about my eulogizing her. I still cannot tell you how I stood up in that church and spoke so eloquently about her. All I know was that I had to do it. I didn’t feel that anyone else could do her justice.But, I am literally sitting here now with tears in my eyes, missing her.

I always sing her praises and I always will. I miss her terribly, especially when I am not having the best of days. My grandma had a way of making me feel that all was well, even when it clearly wasn’t. “My Girl” was her song to me and hearing the Temptations song sometimes stings because of the meaning that song has to me.

The days that followed her death were filled with questions, tears, anger, regret, and disbelief. I just could not deal with the fact that I would never hear her laughter again, or hear her stories, or sit in her lap. Gone were the hugs and kisses, the encouraging words, the undying support. My Grandma Lillie meant so much to me and helped nurture me for my entire life.

And although I know she is always with me, guiding me, speaking to me, watching over me, even chastising me when I fall short, the pain of the absence of her presence still hurts me to my core. May my life make her proud, bring honor to her memory, and joy to her spirit.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

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Simply Be

Greetings fam! I hope this message finds you well and I hope you are not feeling overwhelmed about all of the holiday madness. I wanted to just drop in really quickly to check up on all on you all and speak briefly about a few things.

Can you believe that 2019 is as close as it is? I certainly can’t. When I look and think back on 2018 and how quickly it all went by, I can’t help but to remember my grandma Lillie saying that the older you get the quicker times goes. I remember saying that it wasn’t possible but, I swear it’s the truth.

Maybe it is because we are always so busy doing – working, cleaning, cooking, talking, texting, posting, checking in, running around, supporting, and so on and so forth. Which begs the question, how much time have we spent simply being?

I remember when I was a married twenty-something. I would spend so much time shopping, cooking, decorating, wrapping, and working, and mothering, and wifeing (I know this isn’t a word lol) but, I never stopped to just BE. It left me feeling resentful trying to be Polly Perfect and neglecting myself.

I suppose from the outside looking in my family looked ideal. The smiles on the pictures covered up the dysfunction that lurked. And my heart was simply heavy and my spirit was being dragged. I truly do not know how I survived it all back then. I was driven by this need to create a family that I never had as a child.

Now, I am at a place in my life that I must be and do and think and feel and express myself as I see fit. I have learned the masterful skill of detachment- detachment from people, places, things, ideas, mindsets , habits, and more that are not serving my highest good. And I realize that in my imperfection, I am perfectly perfect.

There are mantras posted by my bed that I read nearly every day. One of them goes as follows:

“I release attachment to all that is not serving my highest good”.  This simple mantra has empowered me to let go of all of the ideas I had of how I should behave as a mother and now ex-wife.

The fallacies we hold about how we should be and act can be damaging, but only if we allow it. We have the power to change the narrative at any time we so choose. So, this is my encouragement to you- if you feel chained in your life, hostage to your “titles, and bound by tradition, choose you over all of it. You deserve to live every day joyfully, no matter how unconventional it may seem to others. Do it for you.

Release.

It is absolutely sweet.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

7 Years- Time Well Spent

Peace fam! I do hope this post finds you well. I have been having the damndest time carving out time in my schedule to write my annual Loc-versary post. But, here I am, a day (or few) late but, here nonetheless!

This month marks 7 years as a loc’d goddess, 7 years of having a head of kinky dreads. The number 7 holds so much significance. For me, 7 has always represented completion, self-mastery, god status; 7 is the number of my spiritual goddess mother Yemoja.

A little research and one discovers the number 7 also represents the seeker, the thinker, the intellectual, and so much more. 7 is a highly spiritual number, which brings me back to myself and this celebration of sorts.

 

I am for once standing in my truth, allowing things about myself to be known, sharing gifts that I had hidden for most of my life, and discovering new things about myself along the way. I am finally feeling free enough to fully express my truth through word, video, action, and more. Talk about fucking liberating!

It has taken me years to love myself deeply enough to honor ALL of my emotions, my desires, my needs, my space, my time, the entirety of me! 7 has been a year of completion for me.

I have let go of people, places, situation, and things that are no longer serving me or were unhealthy to me and have no qualms about further releases that are to occur. I am not holding onto anything that will keep me from living my life the way that it is truly intended.

I can actually see my destiny and it is beautiful. I know my purpose and I am walking in it each and every day that I rise and give my tribe what they need through the gifts that I have been given.

Life is coming full circle and I am here for it. As I look at my hair, lightly decorated with new silver hairs, I am pleased. I see the rough times, the successes, the heartaches, the growth.

It is absolutely beautiful.

And it is not over.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Surveying the kingdom
The journey is getting better and better!

7 Ways to Rock Your Morning

Greetings, greetings, greetings! I do hope you are doing well today. How often have you woke up in the morning feeling blah? I believe at least 99.99% of people have. And in those moments that you have felt the “blah”, how often has that permeated and followed you throughout the rest of your day?

What if I told you that there is a way to take your mornings from “blah” to “awesome”? I am going to let you in on my transformative morning routine. Having an awesome morning ritual can help you become more productive, peaceful, and joyful.

  1. Begin your day with gratitude. You can state something as simple as “I am grateful for a new day and all that this day has to offer”. By expressing gratitude, you invite more things into your life to be grateful for.
  2. Drink water. Your body is composed of approximately 60% of water. Drinking water first thing in the morning has multiple benefits including, but not limited to flushing your body of toxins, increasing production of new blood cells, increasing mental acuity, and boosting your metabolism.
  3. Meditate- I am a staunch advocate of daily meditation. The benefits are too long to list but personally, meditation has helped alleviate anxiety, gain clarity, and grow spiritually. If you have never tried to meditate, begin with 2-5 minutes and remember, the goal is not to clear the mind, but to quiet the mind.
  4. Move your body! For several years, I have made a practice of either doing yoga, running, or doing cardio, or all of the above. I know you are thinking, here we go again with the daily exercise. But, the benefits speak for themselves! Regular exercise not only strengthens your body but also your mind and spirit. So, make time, even if only for 15 minutes to be present in your body. You will definitely feel and know the difference.
  5. Connect with your loved ones. I always make time for my family every morning. I want to know how they slept, what their plans are for the day, and most of all, that I love them. Family is important, in whichever way you choose to define it.
  6. Connect with nature. Before I leave home, I spend time outside on my balcony, breathing, listening to the birds, and watching the squirrels. Being in tune with nature has brought a profound sense of peace to my life.
  7. Take time to yourself. I am a mother of 6 children. Being a mother means a lot but having such responsibility is taxing also. By getting up earlier, I am able to just be. I can enjoy a cup of coffee in solitude, journal, just honestly love on myself. This practice is the most important because if we are not loving and creating space for ourselves, we tend to become resentful and burnout. So, rise a little earlier and relish in your “me” time.

 

I would love to hear from you about your daily morning routine. If you are interested in connecting with me, follow me on IG @simply_ashaki, FB @DivineSoul, or join my email list on my website, www.ashakiali.com. I provide intuitive counseling, spiritual growth workshops, and more.

Peace,

Ashaki

 

 

Morning Coffee

Photo Cred: “https://www.flickr.com/photos/donotlick/7390751418/in/photolist-cg6wUA-26doaWs-9F5Cio-5nHJaG-nUDD7j-DySNCQ-98sJ7k-bQ3ZED-dz9Ba5-J3ShmG-bT4YQ8-oqPYHC-4qGudU-7MZ8J-9WV1Ff-76gxDL-aZMhoi-9zeT6x-5xZwJ4-7FbAY2-qoW7Ci-6WzWur-6ejzwY-9GgtfM-6U3dHF-oBn66L-24RbR-q9pY4L-5j8nN7-31dxn3-BGHJ6z-2KsNL6-6Xvtov-8mZBJL-74u9W6-4DdBYJ-4vcSsm-aTh5BZ-8oqH66-z6gMT-4w8gMY-oEzBXE-pZaLf-4isjoS-5gdntY-km8L3D-28774bn-4V4F3u-dvx2j-HrFaDH” by Jennifer Morrow via Flickr

Manifestation On My Mind

Greetings everyone! I hope this post finds you well as always. I woke this morning feeling inspired to share. I have been doing intense study on spiritual practices, being more impactful, and more. I have always enjoyed learning and doing new things but now I am focused on improving the knowledge and information that I currently have for the betterment of my world and community.

I struggle with self-doubt and must constantly work to maintain confidence that the actions I am taking are in line with my life path and purpose. I saw the fruits of my work yesterday. I had a serious financial matter and needed an additional $300 to meet my responsibility. I had already asked a ton of people and even tried to get a loan. I had literally done everything but steal. I was struggling with feeling totally desperate and helpless. But, deep in my core, I felt peaceful and unshakeable, even with the surmounting fear I felt in my belly.

I had been receiving messages from the universe in the form of master numbers appearing everywhere-from receipts at the stores, to the clocks, even in my dreams. I know and understand that nothing is by coincidence and that these numbers were signaling that all would be well. Yet, my lizard brain kept chattering, “What are you going to do?”, “You’re not going to get that money”, and so on.

Well, I found 3 $5 bills in a pair of pants that I had only worn once in a year, then I found 2 more in my purse out of nowhere. In my heart, I knew that this money was a sign of more to come, even though it was a small amount. I went and purchased a lottery ticket. I doubled my $5 investment in the ticket so I bought another. I didn’t win anything but I again saw a master number-33.

I went into my bedroom and sat on the bed, still fighting the feeling of hopelessness. I heard something say, “Go check the mailbox”. At first my logical mind told me that the mail hadn’t run yet but again I heard, “Go check the mailbox”. So, I went and there was a check waiting for me in the total of $474!!

The check came from a company benefit that I no longer worked for. I thought maybe that had made a mistake but when the check cashing associate called to verify, the representative stated that the check was for “additional benefits”!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I manifested that money. The question then became “How did you do that? I began to recall all that I had been doing over the past month of freelancing from home and there are a few things that I have been doing consistently.

  1. Dreamscaping- I basically dream in a more lucid state, creating my environment, and experiencing the emotions attached to what I dream. I ask myself questions such as “how does it feel to have an abundance of money?” and so on. I set my mind in this matter right before I drift off to deep sleep.
  2. Meditating- I have been meditating for years but have only truly gotten serious about it over the past few years. It is a daily practice. Meditation has provided me with so much more calmness and clarity. I could go on but it is an integral part of my spiritual development.
  3. Visualization- Visualization is much like dreamscaping except I am awake, but I am intentionally “seeing” my life as I would like to have it at this moment.
  4. Mantras- I read and repeat several mantras during the day such as “ I am a money magnet” and “Money flows to me with ease”.
  5. High vibrational frequency- The most important aspect of my days are maintaining a high vibrational frequency. I have realized that I create more discourse in my life if I am depressed, angry, or any lower vibration emotion. I have realized that balance is so key. The 5 principles of Reiki have assisted me in recognizing my own out of control emotions. I repeat them twice daily and it has helped me tremendously.

I hope this has helped someone. There is an increasing shift among the world to seeking more esoteric and metaphysical knowledge. The universe is abundant and there is more than enough for each of us to live life on our own terms.

If you are interested in working or connecting with me, visit my website, www.ashakiali.com . You can also find me on IG @simply_ashaki and FB on Divine Soul (my company page). Have an awesome day!

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Going With the Flow

Greetings everyone! I cannot believe it is Friday again already. Where did the week disappear to? I am still reeling from all the changes occurring in my life currently. I have no doubt I am also still feeling the vibes from the awesome Full Moon as well.

I have prided myself on being adaptable but, this time, I honestly am having difficulty adjusting. I can be change averse at times especially if I feel I have been forced and did not have complete control over said changes. But, I am so resilient and persistent that I have no doubt that I will get a handle on things very soon.

I am truly finding out what I am made of and I am always open to messages that the universe provides to confirm and validate my feelings and thoughts on the direction of my life. I have realized that in my quiet, my inner hearing is more powerful and poignant. And connection to others is so very important.

I had an awesome and beautiful discussion with my younger cousin yesterday that set me straight and then throughout last night and this morning, more messages were received confirming my new way of being and thinking.

In the past I have been guilty of making movements that I may not have been entirely sold on but took because of assumed obligations. I have a large family for which I have been the “breadwinner” for the entire time. I have never been in a situation where someone else was paying the majority of the bills in my house.

I realize that I have done a lot of things including remaining in places much too long, and gave people passes out of fear. Because of my past and the things that lie in my subconscious, I fear lack, I fear not knowing the “how”, I fear letting go and allowing flow.

But, in not allowing things to flow as the universe would have, I have created obstacles in my own journey and hindrances in my growth. It is a hard pill to swallow but, to get better, I have to acknowledge and move on and in a different manner. Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

So, here I sit, uncomfortable in my new situation but determined to never look or move backwards. I have chosen to take more risks and to pursue things that I am passionate about . Sometimes we must bet it all! A friend used to say “the bigger the risk, the greater the reward. And I am so ready to receive!

In the meantime, I will be mindful in my decisions, continue to make strides daily so that I can live life on my own terms, doing worthwhile work, and go with the flow!

Peace,

Ashaki

Strange Fruit

Greetings! I hope this post finds you well on this Thursday morning. I have not written about the never-ending atrocities of racism that my people continue to experience in quite some time. However, things will never change unless we speak about them and act upon them.

The Waffle House killer, Travis Reinking, was taken into custody a few days ago. And although his bond has been revoked, I can not help but to feel infuriated that this murderer was able to stay on the lamb so long and not have a hair on his pretty little head hurt. This case has white privilege written all over it! I feel the same way that I felt when Dylan Roof was taken to get some food by cops after his capture. In the words of an old friend—I am 38 hot!

The names of my people who have been killed at the hands of police officers in Amerikkka over years is absolutely staggering. According to the Washington Post, 68 African Americans have been killed by police this year thus far and in 2017, 223 were killed by police. And according to mappingpoliceviolence.org, black people are 3 times more likely to be killed by police than their white counterparts.

There is no arguing with data. And although I am an artist at heart, I also believe in the power of numbers. My point is that the so-called justice system is truly a “just-us” system. It has been created to protect the interests of those who have held power in this country since its inception. The killings by police is straight up modern day lynching.

So, excuse me if I do not want to hold hands and sing “Kumbaya”.  Amerikka has still not stopped harvesting “Strange Fruit”. May the families of the 4 victims of the Waffle House killer find some semblance of peace in their life. They have my eternal respect.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Being in the Presence of Greatness

Greetings and Happy Saturday! Yo, I am still feeling high and not because I took part in any extracurricular activities involving herbs. Last night, I saw a dream of mine come true; I saw Eric B. & Rakim live in concert. I cannot tell you how it felt watching him rhyme, move about the stage, speak to the crowd. For once in my life, I was star-struck.

He and Eric B. took us down memory lane. We heard “Don’t Sweat the Technique”, “Move the Crowd”, among other signs. They ended with the classic “Paid in Full”. The energy in the room was essentially the essence of pure hip hop at its finest. Other hip- hop royalty was in the room as well- Greg Nice, Special Ed, and one of my favorite female emcees, Yo-Yo. Yo-Yo put on one hell of a show as well, opening for Eric B. & Rakim.

This night is one of those moments that you wish never ended; a life-altering experience that will forever be etched in my mind. Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to be in the presence of some of my heroes. Now, I can add the god MC to my bucket list. The living legend truly doesn’t know how impactful his jewels have been to me over the years.

So, in the words of my grandmother, “I believe I can run on!”. That show fed my spirit as I knew it would. I keep telling ya’ll I’m a hopeless hip hop romantic. Anyway, let me get out of this house and let my “third eye shine like jewelry”……

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Dealing With Our S$@t & Living Life Authentically

Greetings! I hope this message finds you well, whether you are at work or at home. I am taking today to do some cleaning in my home, working on my book, and working on client packages. Busy, busy, busy. I also plan to do a long lovely session of yoga and meditation. I must do my self-care routines in order to maintain my disposition. I find that when I skimp on my exercise and meditation, I can become crabby, irritable, and extremely tense. Each day that I peruse my emails, I am inundated with articles about self-care.

Sometimes I feel like I am a living, breathing cliché- doing yoga, trying to eat well, wearing headwraps, burning incense, wearing crystals, talking about black empowerment. But, then I grab ahold of my righteous mind and realize that I am living the most authentic life that I can at this space and time. I found peace in living the way that I do now and I cannot stop, nor do I want to. If I want to sit topless in the moonlight, sip herbal tea, and listen to ocean sounds, that is absolutely my business!

Am I a bit eccentric? Maybe. One thing that I know for sure is that I am a lot happier and definitely am more balanced since I found my groove. Some may think it weird that I would rather sit and read, listen to Coltrane or Gregory Isaacs, and sage my home than to go out partying every weekend, but hey, that’s me. I think that in pursuing the activities that feed my soul authentically I am living my best life. There was a time that I struggled with anxiety and depression. I refused to speak to anyone about my inner struggles though. I was screaming inside, burning up from unfulfilled hope. I was absolutely miserable. It literally has taken me the better of 10 years to find my happy place. These days, I find great joy in the simplest of things- my 6-year-old reading a book to me, my friend telling me about their weekend, making videos on my coaching page, sharing a laugh with one of my patients.

We live in a world where people want quick fixes to everything, where cell phones and social media have replaced genuine interaction, and many have chosen to live their lives vicariously through their favorite celebrity. Dealing with our shit is not easy but it is necessary if you actually are aspiring to live life as you. The more we dodge the skeletons in our closets, the more they will pile up and eventually spill out onto the proverbial hallway floor.

It is my hope that you find the things that make you feel more alive and do them with zeal. Life is worth living. Make sure you are living yours to the absolute fullest…..

 

Peace, Love, & Abundant Light,

Ashaki

Suicidal Thoughts……

Peace, love, and abundant light everyone! Hope all is well with you. I decided to do something different today. I usually never pay attention to trending topics but I decided to just look at topics relating to life and what people were interested in, searching for, and in need of. I saw topics ranging from meditation to finding their life purpose. But, one topic that really struck a cord with me was the topic of suicide.

I did a little research and discovered some shocking facts. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

  1. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States
  2. Each year 44, 193 deaths by suicide each year
  3. For every 1 suicide, there are 25 attempts
  4. There is an average 121 suicides a day

Now, you may be asking yourself, why is Ashaki talking about such a morbid topic? Well, would you have every guessed that I attempted to commit suicide twice in my life. As much as I speak about light, love, and the beauty of life, I know the darkness that life can hold. Each time when I made the decision to end my life, I felt that there was nothing left for me, that life had dealt me a terrible hand, and that the world would be better if I were no longer in it. How selfish and foolish I had been! I spoke ill over my own life. I mean I absolutely hated my life and could not see past my own pain and issues to see just how much I mean to others and how much impact my life could have on others.

I came to the realization that my purpose on this planet though not well known to me, was most definitely real just by the fact that I had been born. I began to nourish my soul through prayer, meditation, and by pursuing the things that make my soul sing. Writing became therapeutic, as did dancing, exercise, and listening to music. I spent time with friends. I spoke out about my issues and began to deal with things I had buried deep in the recesses of my mind years ago. I began to peel back the layers of protection I built up and get real. I cried, and cried, and cried. But, then I saw the resilience I have, I saw how I had successfully navigated really dangerous situations, extreme dysfunction, and at times unbelievable circumstances. I deliberately would say to myself “I love you “to myself until I believed it.

I never spoke of wanting to end my life for many years. I was embarrassed and I felt weak but then I realized that being able to not end my life was not embarrassing but it was an act of courage. I began to share my story with a few people and so many people have shared with me feelings of wanting to commit suicide, even attempts. The reward for me has been to here from someone that something I shared help them to make a different decision. It is my belief that if more people shared their story, more lives could be saved. To those who may have thought about ending their life, please know that your life matters and as long as you have a heartbeat, you have a purpose. Your life is not a mistake and though life can be daunting, it is still good. I truly believe that life is what you make it. Your perspective and your attitude towards life can literally determine how your days play out. Reflect on the great things in your life and think of the people who love you, care for you, who depend on you. You matter and your life is precious.

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali