Processing in the Bookstore

Peace everyone! I hope this post finds you well, whether you are at home, at work, abroad, or wherever. I am sitting in a Barnes & Nobles as I type this. I have three ladies to my left speaking rapidly in Spanish. My Spanish is by all accounts on a beginner’s level but they seem to be thoroughly enjoying their time together, the vibes I feel from them is loving, excited, and warm. To the front of me is a college student who appears to be overwhelmed by her load of work, surrounded by books, and at the same time having a conversation on her cell phone with a look of confusion resting on her brow.

However, I enjoy coming to the bookstore to work. Most people may find the bookstore distracting but, there are elements that assist my creative juices. First, I absolutely adore books. One of my dreams in my life is to have my own in-house library. I can never have enough of them. Secondly, there is a Starbucks in this store and the smell of coffee and sweets just boosts my mood. And lastly, watching the interactions going on in this place help me to feel even more connected to the world.

So, for those of you who have been following me for a while, you may have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to. I am adjusting to a new normal and rebuilding, restructuring, restoring things that have been lost and delayed. I will not go into tremendous detail at this time, but just know that A LOT HAS CHANGED.

I have spoken about change before but, the hardships I have experienced, the intense feelings of regret and hopelessness, as well as the tremendous levels of loneliness and disappointment have caused me to shift in ways that I could never have imagined. Trying to live my life authentically, without feeling as supported, has been tough but, it has allowed me to expand and go deeper than I ever could have imagined. I am stronger for all that was lost, including people and things that I thought I could not live without.

It would be easy to allow bitterness to settle into my spirit, but could I take the stench of it once time has allowed it to fester? I don’t think so. No, there are always work arounds to discomfort. Sometimes you must go without. Sometimes you must be alone. Sometimes you must do it on your own. Whatever the “it” is.

Being confronted daily with the results of your decisions, good or bad, is not always pleasant. But, it is necessary. This time of being a freelancer at home has forced me to look deep within myself and see how increasingly wise I am as well as foolish at times. I am both the child and the old woman, the sage and the fool. There was a time when I would have beat myself up day and night for that realization but, now I see that this is still apart of my journey, a part of the pruning and process of evolution.

I sometimes sit and think on my life and see the patterns. I continue to experience certain things because I have refused to learn the lesson and apply the wisdom. I have learned this time. Now, it is time for new challenges. And I am here for it all. So, are you living a life being present in the moments and experiences or are you stuck in the cycle and do not see an “out”? Think about it.

 

See You Soon,

Ashaki

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