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Just An Observation

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace loves!

It has been quite some time since my last blog post but for good reason- life. I am learning to be more present, to move with true intention, to show myself grace too. But, this Saturday morning, I feel inspired to write a little bit so here I am , sitting in my favorite chair, coffee at my side, laptop in my lap.

Today, I realized, or maybe observed just how much of ,my life has been spent making myself more palatable to everyone outside of myself. I don’t really know when I started this. I have always been told that I was too loud- by my mother, my godsister, my teachers, and so on. So, I started speaking more quietly. I was told that my imperfect smile was not “pretty” so I practiced smiling without showing my teeth. I was told that I was “hyper” so I stopped being as active as I desired-for a time.

Years later, this pursuit of feigned palatability continued. I desired to dress like a mother of Africa but was told that my dress was “too much” so I chose dress shirts of white, blue, light pink and khakis and black slacks as my uniform. I wanted to dance and laugh and curse and do what I wanted to but was told that those things were “unholy” so I swallowed myself down.

And then one day, I woke up and hated what my life had become. I looked in the mirror and did not know the woman who looked back. I would sit on my bed and just cry. The joy of life had been sucked out with every single compromise I made in watering myself down for others folks acceptance. I had literally betrayed me. Little did I know that my inner me had begun to fight back against the prison of palatability a year or so before when I decided to (what I felt was a whim) to cut all my hair off on December 24th, 2010. It was an outward expression of the inner rebel. She had grown tired of the same ole same ole.

And then, I began to run every day, think about seeking work in a different city, and now almost 10 years later, my life has been transformed. I know that I may aggravate people with my renewed sense of self. But, I was dying a slow death and I had to save what was left of me. See that’s the thing about life- it is truly yours for the taking if you so choose. And I made a resolution to never ever shrink myself down again. Naysayers can choke for all I care. I will forever choose me. And you should certainly choose you.

Peace,

Ashaki

40 Where?

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Hello everyone. I hope that this message finds you well. I recently celebrated my 40th trip around the sun. 40. I don’t know when I arrived here but, here I am nonetheless- still youthful, joyful, silly, some may some immature in some ways but, definitely wiser, stronger, and more grateful than I have ever been in this life. I don’t know how my mother or grandmother felt in their body at 40, but I honestly feel amazing most days.

The point of this blog though is not even a reflection back but, more of taking a seat in the present. I realize how much I have missed in the past because of my eternal curiosity and intuitive knowing of that which is to come. In the present moment, I am focused on showing up every single day as my full self , focusing on my own plate and what is on it, and striving to be a better me than I was on the previous day.

I have taken more definitive steps to improve my near future than I ever have in the past. I have done things in the name of preserving myself and my children. And I am extremely pleased with myself. This is what growth looks like- it looks like admitting our missteps, correcting the things that I am able to, and still loving on me, showing self-compassion, and allowing myself to feel pleasure because I deserve it.

That’s the thing about growing older- you realize just how human you truly are but that you are also allowed the same level of grace that you allow others. You also realize that there really is no certain “age” requirements for accomplishing goals, reaching for desires, pursuing a new life.

I am rewriting my story. In the meantime, cheers to Chapter 40! I will be celebrating for the remainder of 2021!\

Peace,

Ashaki

2021- A Year for Intentionality

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace beloveds and happy new year! I have not been in a space to write, nor the vibe but I am feeling my way through my days now and so here I am.

The word “intentionality” has become a focus word for me this year (and honestly began before the calendar year 2020 came to an end). I have found myself being in a space where I simply cannot do as I used to do. Spiritual messages have come in like a wave and some days I am simply exhausted and unable to do–being forced to just be.

So, here we are halfway through the month of January and I am fighting to not feel guilty to spending so much time in reflection, declining calls, messages, interactions that are not serving me in this moment. I have dreams for my future and am finding that spirit is working with me and through me to facilitate growth and maturation in an entire different way than I could ever have imagined.

I don’t feel pushed to produce. I feel guided to allow. I am only pursuing activities, relationships, and other things from a position of being intentional. I find myself asking if I am doing something because it is what I have always done, is it because others expect this of me, or is this truly serving me, bringing me peace, joy, bliss, abundance?

I am being intentional about leaning into ease. I am seeking what feels good and aligned in this moment- nothing other than that. I must admit that it is not a particularly comfortable place to be in because we live in a society that pushes productivity. But, I am off the hamster wheel. I cannot go on in the manner in which I had for so many years.

As I reflect over the nearly 40 years of my life, I realize how often I had simply been living, touting being hard working as some badge of honor, yet all the while not honoring my divine self, and certainly not operating in my natural flow. So much has become easy with me simply being. I am enjoying it so far, though I have to check the masculine side of myself who says “get up and do!”.

As this planet continues to shift from operating from a highly masculine energy into a more feminine one, may we all find more ways of simply Be-ing. See y’all soon!

Peace,

Ashaki

Peace 2020

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

I cannot lie and say that this year went by quickly for me, because it certainly didn’t . It actually feels like more than a year has gone by since my end of year blog for 2019. But, I also realize that this year has given me much in relation to the person that is currently sitting at her workstation putting her thoughts onto virtual paper.

I want to share 5 important lessons that I learned this year. This list is definitely not an all-inclusive list for all I have learned in 2020, but they certainly are high on the totem pole.

  1. Goodbyes come quickly- So many people lost so many loved ones this year. I lost my mother, sister, and 3 other family members. Spend time talking to your folks, let them know that you love them, and cherish your time together because time is a commodity that cannot be replaced.
  2. Allow space for your feelings- I was confronted by a reoccurrence of PTSD in 2020. I was functioning but, not living. I was working myself ragged and thinking that I was ok until I was pulled on the side of a road, thoughts racing, unable to move. I had to allow myself to feel, acknowledge my feelings, and deal with them. I knew it was real when I broke down in her office.
  3. Stop doing things you don’t want to do and actually pursue your passions. I had to decide for myself to choose what I wanted to do and stop saying yes to everything I know I had no passion for. I found myself immersed in painting, divination, yoga, and meditation. Although I love Afrikan art and accessories, I stopped selling and promoting those products. I stopped joining Zoom calls and groups with promises of profit just because it was working for others. That ain’t my ministry and I am good with it.
  4. Set boundaries and keep them there! If I learned anything from my last relationship, it was for me to set healthy boundaries and maintain them. I can no longer allow myself to be caught up in unhealthy relationships, push myself to the limits, and not advocate for myself. I set the bar high because I know I deserve better than I have accepted. And I have gladly said goodbye to a few folks who refused to honor my boundaries.
  5. I am worthy of the best- For so many years, I have denied myself certain luxuries because I truly did not see how valuable I am. Well, I learned my value and although it is a continual process to keep myself from going back into accepting less than, I know that the best of life is my destiny and I want it! So, I have set a standard of only accepting that which is truly pleasing to me and nothing less. And subsequently I have been attracting better by doing so. So, I shall continue.

I hope that this new year brings you all more bliss, continued good health, abundance, joy, love, and peace. I will see you on the other side.

Peace,

Ashaki

Waiting for My Divine Love

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace beloveds. As always, I hope that this post finds you well. I have been feeling the angst of singleness lately and wanted to share a few things.

One of my desires is to love, deeply, safely, and intensely. I would love to share space and time with someone. But, after many failures, I had recently locked this particular desire away, deciding to instead focus on my healing, growth, and evolution. I have not made the best decisions when it comes to entering into relationships, seeing their potential instead of their truth. And it has been damaging. I have been broken more times than I wish to say, harmed, abused, ignored– you name it.

Although I had entertained the thought of trying again, I am back to square one after being disappointed yet again. So, I said bump it– I. AM. DONE. I expressed my pain to a friend and she brought me a new perspective over the weekend. She put it to me like this–have you ever thought that spirit made them move away from you because they are not worthy? She expressed how important my walk is in this life and how it will take a very special person to support me in my goddesshood. She explained how in our motherland, the healers are often single because they could not find a partner who could handle the mantle that they carried in life. She expressed that my person has to be worthy of me and understand and accept the sacred work that I do.

I sat and meditated on this for a few hours. I know that I had not done anything for the inconsistency that I had received. And I heard spirit say that some of these men are seeking whom they can devour. It rattled me deep inside of myself. I had one particular person continually speak about my energy. I now feel deep down that is was not me at all that they were attracted to but to the energy and the light that I bring into the world. and have

So, I have decided to just allow space. When the time comes, my divine mate will make an appearance. Until then, I shall love me through and through. I shall dance, sing, paint, mother, divine, just be. I will love the hell out of my life until he shows himself true. See you all soon!

Peace,
-Ashaki

Discovering Joy

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace fam! It has been a bit since my last post but, true to form, your girl has been busy. As you all know, I have had my share of losses this year, changes trials but, I have also been blessed with growth, abundance in ways that I never could have perceived before, and with opportunity for more , including expansion.

I am seeing more of how alignment plays a huge part in how much joy one can experience and how abundance is so much more than what we typically see.

Since returning home from my sister’s funeral, I have chosen to work harder towards my goals . One of my goals is to grow my business so that I can quit working part time. I realize that I haven’t taken the time to relish the fact that I have been able to maintain my lifestyle while only working part time. In my 20 year career, I NEVER worked less than 40 hours a week–I often worked much more! If my current life is not a shining example of unrecognized abundance, I don’t know what is.

I have been able to express my talents and actually be paid for it. This is absolutely amazing. I had to have a sit down with my damn self. It went like this “Girl you are making huge strides!” “You are making money from your business, making connections, celebrate your small wins”.

We often push ourselves to the point of exhaustion and never take time to reflect on how far we have come in our journey. And it is shameful! You and I are worthy of praise. If you are still pursuing your dreams, I believe you will achieve them. Never give up, never give in! And stop once in a while to smell the roses, watch the birds, admire a flower…

See You All Soon,

Ashaki

A Journey Home

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace fam,

I am working on this as I prepare to return to Charlotte from Palm Beach after attending my sister’s funeral. Life is so hard sometimes. I have felt extremely tested and not very enthused lately. It is hard when you are dealing with compounded grief; you cannot come to terms with one loss before you are hit with another.

This year has been one of extreme tests, ups and downs, trials, and so many losses.  I have truly been tested and I know I am not alone in this. I strive to apply what I have done in the past to current situations to keep myself balanced, but that doesn’t seem to be as effective.

I am having to sit with my shit, like literally sit and feel all the feels, and it is not at all easy. Some days, I work too much because I do not want to deal with my pain. Some things hurt so badly that I feel like I cannot breathe. I have to talk myself through most days- “get up Ashaki” , “it is okay to feel the way that you feel”, “today is a new day”.

I utilize each and every toolkit I have in my box in order to maintain my sanity. Yoga, meditation, journaling, eating healthily, painting, praying, giving offerings and talking to my ancestors, all have a place in my kit. I am having to access every single source that I have to keep going. Most people see me as “strong” not knowing how much I have to do each day in order to function.

During this time of grief, I have been driven deeper into myself, made to confront my shadow, and truly work on me. I have cried so many tears, felt loss, and seemingly am experiencing an entire dismantling of my entire life. Some days I wonder why I chose a life such as this- other days I am so determined that I can hardly believe how strong I am . I am not sharing this for pity– I know there is a greater purpose.

I have lost 5 family members this year- including my mother and sister. I have had to deal with being so triggered in a job that I began to have panic attacks. I had a major health scare with one of my children and then turned around and contracted Coronavirus myself. A lot of days, I feel extremely overwhelmed but, there exists within me something greater than my physical reality.

It overwhelms and disrupts my despair, lifts me when I am weak, and helps me to continue to not only bring smiles to others, but to smile myself. It helps me to create and to bend but, not break.

I am tired, and yet strangely inspired. Life is tough, but there is so much to be grateful for, so much beauty to behold. I find myself seeking out beauty in nature and in life. Who knew that a child’s laughter could hold such magickal, soothing powers? Who knew that plants could soothe the soul? I had no idea the true depth of their energy until this year.

IAnd make no mistake- I still have hope for the future. I still am encouraged by what is possible. I am still striving for better tomorrows.

Today, as I prepared to return home this weekend after my sister’s funeral, I heard Spirit call me to the ocean. So, my sister and I went down to the water. I had a few hours left before I needed to get to the airport. I had already packed. But, she was calling. So, I put on my whites and purchased an offering.

My mother, Yemoja beckoned to me. The water was beautiful and warm. As I placed an offering of  flowers into her, I felt the force of Mother chastising me, reminding me that the nurturing and extreme strength that I desire, I also encompass. I felt the lift of burden be removed with each crash of the waves. After we returned from the water, I felt tired. I left something at the waterfront. I released something heavy.

I am grateful for healing. I am grateful for new beginnings. I am grateful for life. I shall live.

Life is unfolding. I am here for it all.

Until we meet again,

-A

Taking a Break

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Today I made a decision. I am taking a break from social media and from my side business. I feel that my life has taken on a life of its own, one that I don’t even recognize. I feel as though I am constantly trying to keep up with my peers, attain some level, master some information.

I don’t even know when this began. I have made some beautiful connections over the past few years but, I honestly feel overlooked–a lot. So, I made the decision to step off. I need to regroup, restore what has been lost in the shuffle, and so I am reclaiming my time (thanks Auntie Maxine Waters for coining that phrase!).

I have even lost sight of what I truly want at my core. I know I want to be financially free, own some land and a home, at some point be in a loving and fulfilling relationship, travel, and be able to create as I see fit. Somewhere along the way, I lost my way. And I know that I should allow myself some grace. 2020 has been hell on nearly everyone. But, I want more than I currently have, I want to be better.

So, I posted my closed sign on my social media, I closed my calendar for my business, and I am crafting a new calendar for my daily activities and goals. I have things to do, but most of all, I need to nurture myself, decide what is next, and move forward stronger, more joyful, and more peaceful.

I honestly feel a bit guilty (which indicates how detached I am from taking care of myself). I preach self-care and yet, I struggle with truly taking care of myself. I have been sick for the last few weeks, not sleeping the best, eating sporadically. This ends today. I declare that I will do my best by me from this day forward.

I realize that the reason some of my dreams are not coming to fruition is because I am not keeping my word to myself. I deserve better than I have been giving myself. No more betraying myself, punishing myself, not doing what I know is best for me. I am unplugging and doing a hard reset!

Cheers to what is to come!

Ashaki

Lessons from a Decade of Living

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace all! I hope this post finds you well. I was sitting here this morning scrolling through Facebook looking at all of the 10 year reflective posts. I even posted my own- a picture from late 2009 when I was pregnant with my son Bryson and a picture of me taken recently.

On the surface, you can see how much I have changed in my appearance. I look younger now than I did then. But, on a deeper level, I am vastly different than I was then. In 2009, I was in a loveless marriage. I constantly felt that I had to prove something, be perfect (whatever the hell perfect means), and fit into some image that I felt would help my life improve.

I was in undergraduate school working on obtaining a Bachelor of Arts degree in Business Administration. I was working full time as a nurse in a nursing home. I was a wife and mother of 4.5 children. And I was miserable. I wanted so much more of life and more for myself.

I wanted to not water myself down for folks- to be my amazingly intelligent, wild, magickal self but, I was in denial. I allowed church to dictate my manners, my marriage to isolate me from enjoying things, my children to be an excuse as to why I couldn’t be free.

I thought nothing would change until one day 3 years later when my now ex -husband was taken away to federal prison. Then, it was just my children and I . I made a decision to leave familiar and dive head first into something new. I began to run every day and my figure slimmed. No coincidence that my hair journey began shortly before December 24th, 2010 when I cut all the chemicals out revealing curls and expanding my energy.

It was like a domino effect really. I chopped the hair, got pregnant again 2010, gave birth in 2011, husband gone and marriage over in 2012, started taking control of my life and taking risks in 2012, moved away in 2013….and now in 2019….I am me!

I began to do what I wanted and how I wanted. There were times when I would revert back– my crazy ass wound up in a terrible relationship with a narcissist after my marriage ended. However, even through that, I continued to pursue myself. I allowed myself to breathe, to enjoy myself, travel, eat , cry, move my body, make new friends, let some go, connect to spirit, heal, and most of all-BE!

May 2020 bring more of me to me- more joy, more experiences, more love, more passion, more authenticity, more connection, just more. I am so, so ready!

 

Peace,

Ashaki A.

 

 

Stepping Up My Game

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Greetings fam! As always, I hope this message finds you well. I am coming to you all on the brink of explosion, well probably more like an implosion because I am usually very non-confrontational.

I know that I have to make some more major decisions. And they are not going to be easy but, they are so necessary. I have had to make other adjustments over the past 2 years that have brought tears, anxiety, and more unpleasantness.

These new changes are probably going to induce some of those same emotions but, I always follow my first mind. If my first mind tells me to let something or someone go, I do just that nowadays. I spent many years denying those thoughts and suffered much in the long run because of my “kung-fu grip” approach to people.

Some of these changes involve my lifestyle. I am going to push myself more physically, increase my overall care of myself, and really focus on improving myself. I am currently sipping on a nice smoothie as I type this (insert wink here!). I am actually considering heading back to the gym! Even if I only make it to the gym a few nights a week, I think it will be good for me to just get out of the house, focus on making improvements, and build some new self-care practices in addition to what I do already.

I am also going to work towards putting myself out there more. I must admit it is frightening to expose my spiritual business to the entire world, approaching new potential clients, and sharing my gifts. I am just like anyone, I feel self-doubt, unworthiness, and small compared to others that I see. However, there is something within me that will not allow me to not move forward. So, here I come- out in the open for the world to see.

This is just a small snapshot of me stepping my game up. I have so much more to do….

#staytuned

 

Peace,

Ashaki