Greetings fam! As always, I hope this message finds you well. I am coming to you all on the brink of explosion, well probably more like an implosion because I am usually very non-confrontational.
I know that I have to make some more major decisions. And they are not going to be easy but, they are so necessary. I have had to make other adjustments over the past 2 years that have brought tears, anxiety, and more unpleasantness.
These new changes are probably going to induce some of those same emotions but, I always follow my first mind. If my first mind tells me to let something or someone go, I do just that nowadays. I spent many years denying those thoughts and suffered much in the long run because of my “kung-fu grip” approach to people.
Some of these changes involve my lifestyle. I am going to push myself more physically, increase my overall care of myself, and really focus on improving myself. I am currently sipping on a nice smoothie as I type this (insert wink here!). I am actually considering heading back to the gym! Even if I only make it to the gym a few nights a week, I think it will be good for me to just get out of the house, focus on making improvements, and build some new self-care practices in addition to what I do already.
I am also going to work towards putting myself out there more. I must admit it is frightening to expose my spiritual business to the entire world, approaching new potential clients, and sharing my gifts. I am just like anyone, I feel self-doubt, unworthiness, and small compared to others that I see. However, there is something within me that will not allow me to not move forward. So, here I come- out in the open for the world to see.
This is just a small snapshot of me stepping my game up. I have so much more to do….
Peace everyone. It has been quite some time since my last post and for so many different reasons. I have lost a dear loved one, started a new business (which is soon to launch), among other things. I titled this post “Beginning Again” because that is literally what I am having to do at this point in time.
About six weeks ago I joined a business bootcamp. Now, on the surface, it appeared to be solely business based but what I found along the way is that I had to confront my life at its current state. I had to come to the realization that I was not totally clear on what I wanted and once I gained clarity, I knew a lot had to change. Change is not always easy, desired, or painless.
For most of my adult life, I have been someone’s wife and then I was in another serious relationship soon after my marriage ended. I have never had to truly be alone since I was about 22 years old and even then, I had long relationships for the most part. Now, I have to deal with Ashaki– her quirks, her longings, her feelings. It has been emotional but also enlightening.
I just celebrated a bEarthday on March 15th and last weekend I took myself out of town for the weekend. I enjoyed my stay in a lavish hotel, eating beautiful food, getting a massage, and napping to the sound of the ocean. I learned that I am a “company addict”. I am not the “be alone” type if that makes sense even though I have been feeling that I want to be alone for a while. Anywho, I came to the realization that is not truly the company that I desire but rather the distraction from being with myself.
And so life is beginning–again. I am restructuring everything as I must. And this journey may be arduous but at the end I will be rewarded. No I am not speaking in terms of anything monetary, but I will gain a greater understanding of who I am, what kind of stuff I am made of, and also what I have to offer to the world. I would love to be a wife again someday but for now, let me just learn to be a friend and lover to myself.