life

I Remember Love

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

I remember Love. It happened quickly…beginning with harmless online flirtation then proceeding to hours long conversations. Love was a tad bit younger but the fire that existed between the two of us was undeniable. His intelligence was attractive and he was handsome but that is not what captured me.

It was the way that Love spoke my name. It was the way he said “babe”. And the first time he told me that he loved me, I knew it was real. He was rugged to everyone it seemed but, he was tender towards me. He handled me gently, always was interested in how I was doing, super supportive, and just open. It was a vibe between us. He just got me it seemed. I needed to see him in person to see if the vibe would intensify.

So, one night, I drove 5 hours just on a whim. In retrospect, I know it may sound crazy but, I had to know for myself and I am that way. I am sometimes a person that “flies by the seat of their pants”. I will take risks, I will try anything once. And I am famously curious (blame it on my Gemini rising or my Mercury in Aquarius). I needed to look Love in the face.

The closer I got to my destination, the more fearful I became. What if he was a creep? What if he saw me in person and didn’t feel the same? But, I had gone to far to go turn back. I pulled up to where he told me to meet him and once he walked up to my vehicle and spoke, I felt my insides melt. The voice. That voice still rings in my ears–just sweet to my senses.

When we finally got where we could stop (it was dark and I was exhausted), we embraced and I felt him trembling. I think he was afraid as I was. We kissed and I felt my heart flip. I was in love and it was not a lustful thing, it was like an innocent, puppy dog love.  And it felt natural, nothing was forced. It just flowed.

Months went by and our bond seemed to grow stronger but, my life was complicated. I had an ex who still lingered around and would not leave me alone. And I was weak for him still. In all honesty, I was still very codependent and could not see my way away from still depending on him with helping with my children day to day. Love lived so far away and could not be there to help me in that way. We would argue about nothing. And it got to be too much. So, I went back to the ex and left Love alone.

But, I never forgot him. Ever. In November of 2015, a dear friend, an elder passed away unexpectedly. Love had introduced us and we were instant friends. I also became friends with her husband and I wanted to offer my condolences. So, I reached out to Love. I knew he had their contact information. He was livid with me and for good reason. But, he gave me the information. We began to chat again and I let him know that I still loved him so very much. So, we agreed to meet up.

I went to him and poured my heart and soul out to him. He captured every tear that fell that night. We made sweet love that winter weekend but made no promises that we would try again. But deep down, we both knew that we wanted to be together. I left him feeling relieved but unsure of what was to come.

We tried to stay away from each other but we just couldn’t help it. That February of 2016, we decided we would be together again. I was so happy. We wanted to get married. He met my children. I was with him every chance that I got.

But, this time, I was in danger. My ex threatened harm to me if I didn’t leave Love alone. Between complicated situations with the ex and my mother, Love and I fell apart. By April, it was all over again- and I knew this time it was for good.

I lost so much in 2016. I lost one of the greatest loves I have ever known. I lost a best friend. I lost family members I learned the true definition of family and relatives. I almost lost me.

I gathered up what was left of my spirit and began to rebuild my life in Charlotte in June of 2017.  I lost almost everything that I had toiled for so many years in that one year-including Love. So,  I placed Love in a folder in the recesses of my mind. I tried to forget him and the times that we shared, but it impossible to do when it is real.

I think of Love from time to time, hoping he is safe, happy, well. I reached out to him once. He never responded to me. I hurt him and I know I did. I ruined that entire relationship. I cried and cried about it from time to time; tried to figure out why I did what I did. It still honestly doesn’t make sense to me.

Recently, Love has been on my mind more. They say that if you are thinking of someone a lot, they are also thinking of you. I do hope that his thoughts of me are not all bad. Sometimes I wish I could speak to him just one more time, allow him to see how much I have matured, hear how he is, just reconnect.

My life is so different now. I am free to be who I want to be, see who I want to see, love who I want to love. I sometimes wonder how different my life would be if he and I would have married, especially with the current state of the world. I also am no fool. If it were meant to be, it would have happened. And who knows, maybe Love will show himself to me again. Only time will tell.

 

One last thing, if Love ever reads this- please know that I truly never intended to hurt you. I truly did love you and probably always will. I was wrong and have suffered because of it. During the time when things fell apart, my whole world fell apart as well and I didn’t feel that you understood what was happening at all. I should have communicated that but, I did not know how. I hope you are doing well. I hope that you have the love that you deserve. I wish nothing but the best for you always.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

7 Years- Time Well Spent

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace fam! I do hope this post finds you well. I have been having the damndest time carving out time in my schedule to write my annual Loc-versary post. But, here I am, a day (or few) late but, here nonetheless!

This month marks 7 years as a loc’d goddess, 7 years of having a head of kinky dreads. The number 7 holds so much significance. For me, 7 has always represented completion, self-mastery, god status; 7 is the number of my spiritual goddess mother Yemoja.

A little research and one discovers the number 7 also represents the seeker, the thinker, the intellectual, and so much more. 7 is a highly spiritual number, which brings me back to myself and this celebration of sorts.

 

I am for once standing in my truth, allowing things about myself to be known, sharing gifts that I had hidden for most of my life, and discovering new things about myself along the way. I am finally feeling free enough to fully express my truth through word, video, action, and more. Talk about fucking liberating!

It has taken me years to love myself deeply enough to honor ALL of my emotions, my desires, my needs, my space, my time, the entirety of me! 7 has been a year of completion for me.

I have let go of people, places, situation, and things that are no longer serving me or were unhealthy to me and have no qualms about further releases that are to occur. I am not holding onto anything that will keep me from living my life the way that it is truly intended.

I can actually see my destiny and it is beautiful. I know my purpose and I am walking in it each and every day that I rise and give my tribe what they need through the gifts that I have been given.

Life is coming full circle and I am here for it. As I look at my hair, lightly decorated with new silver hairs, I am pleased. I see the rough times, the successes, the heartaches, the growth.

It is absolutely beautiful.

And it is not over.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Surveying the kingdom
The journey is getting better and better!

Manifestation On My Mind

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Greetings everyone! I hope this post finds you well as always. I woke this morning feeling inspired to share. I have been doing intense study on spiritual practices, being more impactful, and more. I have always enjoyed learning and doing new things but now I am focused on improving the knowledge and information that I currently have for the betterment of my world and community.

I struggle with self-doubt and must constantly work to maintain confidence that the actions I am taking are in line with my life path and purpose. I saw the fruits of my work yesterday. I had a serious financial matter and needed an additional $300 to meet my responsibility. I had already asked a ton of people and even tried to get a loan. I had literally done everything but steal. I was struggling with feeling totally desperate and helpless. But, deep in my core, I felt peaceful and unshakeable, even with the surmounting fear I felt in my belly.

I had been receiving messages from the universe in the form of master numbers appearing everywhere-from receipts at the stores, to the clocks, even in my dreams. I know and understand that nothing is by coincidence and that these numbers were signaling that all would be well. Yet, my lizard brain kept chattering, “What are you going to do?”, “You’re not going to get that money”, and so on.

Well, I found 3 $5 bills in a pair of pants that I had only worn once in a year, then I found 2 more in my purse out of nowhere. In my heart, I knew that this money was a sign of more to come, even though it was a small amount. I went and purchased a lottery ticket. I doubled my $5 investment in the ticket so I bought another. I didn’t win anything but I again saw a master number-33.

I went into my bedroom and sat on the bed, still fighting the feeling of hopelessness. I heard something say, “Go check the mailbox”. At first my logical mind told me that the mail hadn’t run yet but again I heard, “Go check the mailbox”. So, I went and there was a check waiting for me in the total of $474!!

The check came from a company benefit that I no longer worked for. I thought maybe that had made a mistake but when the check cashing associate called to verify, the representative stated that the check was for “additional benefits”!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I manifested that money. The question then became “How did you do that? I began to recall all that I had been doing over the past month of freelancing from home and there are a few things that I have been doing consistently.

  1. Dreamscaping- I basically dream in a more lucid state, creating my environment, and experiencing the emotions attached to what I dream. I ask myself questions such as “how does it feel to have an abundance of money?” and so on. I set my mind in this matter right before I drift off to deep sleep.
  2. Meditating- I have been meditating for years but have only truly gotten serious about it over the past few years. It is a daily practice. Meditation has provided me with so much more calmness and clarity. I could go on but it is an integral part of my spiritual development.
  3. Visualization- Visualization is much like dreamscaping except I am awake, but I am intentionally “seeing” my life as I would like to have it at this moment.
  4. Mantras- I read and repeat several mantras during the day such as “ I am a money magnet” and “Money flows to me with ease”.
  5. High vibrational frequency- The most important aspect of my days are maintaining a high vibrational frequency. I have realized that I create more discourse in my life if I am depressed, angry, or any lower vibration emotion. I have realized that balance is so key. The 5 principles of Reiki have assisted me in recognizing my own out of control emotions. I repeat them twice daily and it has helped me tremendously.

I hope this has helped someone. There is an increasing shift among the world to seeking more esoteric and metaphysical knowledge. The universe is abundant and there is more than enough for each of us to live life on our own terms.

If you are interested in working or connecting with me, visit my website, www.ashakiali.com . You can also find me on IG @simply_ashaki and FB on Divine Soul (my company page). Have an awesome day!

 

Peace,

Ashaki

The Elephant in the Room

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Greetings family,

In light of all of the recent stories of suicides, I felt compelled to speak on the topic. I have heard people say some very judgmental and very hurtful things. So, here I sit this Friday afternoon, thinking and writing about the times when I contemplated and even attempted to commit suicide.

I liken my past experience with suicidal thoughts as being in a dark pit, feeling myself sinking but not having the strength or willpower to fight against drowning. At the times I have been in those positions, people in my life thought I had it all together. I was a nurse, raising a young family, volunteering in my community, and contributing to the world at large. They really knew my life was great. Sadly, it was not. 

However, no one could see inside my mind and heart. I was struggling- struggling with strained familial relationships, struggling with traumas from my past, struggling with financial issues, just struggling. I felt as if I would be worth more if I were dead. It was awful. I felt like I was lugging around sacks of despair. I had become a “bag lady” as Erykah Badu sang about so beautifully.

As I sit here and think back carefully, I realize that I have been fighting feelings of depression, inferiority, and regret for most of my life. Nevertheless, I fought past those feelings and chose to continue to live. 

But, so many people give up the fight. They become weary and the overwhelming feeling of wanting the pain to go away causes them to end their life. A lot of people feel that suicide is a cop out but in my life, suicide seemed to be an option to put an end to the incessant misery. 

I believe we all owe a debt to our society to at least check up on people. The disconnection between people is wide and intimacy is has been flung out the window. We live in a world of feigned connection. Social media has taken away true socializing, and likes, shares, and commenting have taken away conversation. We have to do better. People are hurting, struggling, and considering ending it all. Let’s help them. Check on your people. Consider it because one day, it could be you.

 

Ashaki

 

Repainting Your Life Landscape

Posted on by Ashaki Omikunle

Peace, love, and light fam! Hope you are enjoying your Sunday. It is not even 8:30 here and I have to say I am feeling quite lovely. Well I launched my business this past week and am so excited about all that is to come. I was thinking on how I have changed the course of the past few days by choosing not to participate in activities or conversation that are based on negativity or things that simply are not feeding my spirit. I have literally woke up everyday with a smile on my face and not because everything is copacetic or perfect but because I am truly grateful for my life and all that is happening and going to happen. I have found peace and  am literally chilling in the eye of the proverbial storm!

I have also been reflecting on the connectedness of us all and how awesome it is to be connected to so many amazing people. I am seeing great work among them, progress, babies being born, couples dedicating themselves to each other, and so much more. I am ecstatic for them and their journey. So, I wanted to share 3 insights to help you begin the process of changing the landscape of your life.

  1. Know that your life matters. I know that may sound trivial to some but as a woman who did not know that my life was worthy, was never told that my life mattered, or that I was important, learning that my life mattered was life altering.
  2. Know that just as there is light and dark, there will be trials and triumphs. The universe dictates that there be balance in all things. Life will present obstacles and it is not always easy. Just hold onto the fact that all things are temporary and that you can weather the storm
  3. Know that you have a purpose to serve. Your soul chose to come to the planet at this time to serve a particular purpose. I once believed that I was damned and somehow had been a mistake. But now I know and realize that the little voice that was telling me all of these hurtful things was not my voice, but voices of others that had been an influence in my life. They no longer dictate how I feel. My life has an amazing purpose and so does yours.

So, there you have it. Your life matters, life will have ups and downs, and you have purpose. Meditate on these insights today. Allow your spirit to lead you. Each new day is a promise for more of everything and an opportunity to begin again. If you would like more guidance and assistance on living your best life, please subscribe to www.ashakiali.com. You can also find my on social media (Instagram as CoachAli17 (True Transformation Coach), Twitter (@TrueTransforma1), and FB at True Transformation Life & Health Coaching Services. I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Hetepu,

Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali