The Elephant in the Room

Greetings family,

In light of all of the recent stories of suicides, I felt compelled to speak on the topic. I have heard people say some very judgmental and very hurtful things. So, here I sit this Friday afternoon, thinking and writing about the times when I contemplated and even attempted to commit suicide.

I liken my past experience with suicidal thoughts as being in a dark pit, feeling myself sinking but not having the strength or willpower to fight against drowning. At the times I have been in those positions, people in my life thought I had it all together. I was a nurse, raising a young family, volunteering in my community, and contributing to the world at large. They really knew my life was great. Sadly, it was not. 

However, no one could see inside my mind and heart. I was struggling- struggling with strained familial relationships, struggling with traumas from my past, struggling with financial issues, just struggling. I felt as if I would be worth more if I were dead. It was awful. I felt like I was lugging around sacks of despair. I had become a “bag lady” as Erykah Badu sang about so beautifully.

As I sit here and think back carefully, I realize that I have been fighting feelings of depression, inferiority, and regret for most of my life. Nevertheless, I fought past those feelings and chose to continue to live. 

But, so many people give up the fight. They become weary and the overwhelming feeling of wanting the pain to go away causes them to end their life. A lot of people feel that suicide is a cop out but in my life, suicide seemed to be an option to put an end to the incessant misery. 

I believe we all owe a debt to our society to at least check up on people. The disconnection between people is wide and intimacy is has been flung out the window. We live in a world of feigned connection. Social media has taken away true socializing, and likes, shares, and commenting have taken away conversation. We have to do better. People are hurting, struggling, and considering ending it all. Let’s help them. Check on your people. Consider it because one day, it could be you.

 

Ashaki

 

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Going With the Flow

Greetings everyone! I cannot believe it is Friday again already. Where did the week disappear to? I am still reeling from all the changes occurring in my life currently. I have no doubt I am also still feeling the vibes from the awesome Full Moon as well.

I have prided myself on being adaptable but, this time, I honestly am having difficulty adjusting. I can be change averse at times especially if I feel I have been forced and did not have complete control over said changes. But, I am so resilient and persistent that I have no doubt that I will get a handle on things very soon.

I am truly finding out what I am made of and I am always open to messages that the universe provides to confirm and validate my feelings and thoughts on the direction of my life. I have realized that in my quiet, my inner hearing is more powerful and poignant. And connection to others is so very important.

I had an awesome and beautiful discussion with my younger cousin yesterday that set me straight and then throughout last night and this morning, more messages were received confirming my new way of being and thinking.

In the past I have been guilty of making movements that I may not have been entirely sold on but took because of assumed obligations. I have a large family for which I have been the “breadwinner” for the entire time. I have never been in a situation where someone else was paying the majority of the bills in my house.

I realize that I have done a lot of things including remaining in places much too long, and gave people passes out of fear. Because of my past and the things that lie in my subconscious, I fear lack, I fear not knowing the “how”, I fear letting go and allowing flow.

But, in not allowing things to flow as the universe would have, I have created obstacles in my own journey and hindrances in my growth. It is a hard pill to swallow but, to get better, I have to acknowledge and move on and in a different manner. Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

So, here I sit, uncomfortable in my new situation but determined to never look or move backwards. I have chosen to take more risks and to pursue things that I am passionate about . Sometimes we must bet it all! A friend used to say “the bigger the risk, the greater the reward. And I am so ready to receive!

In the meantime, I will be mindful in my decisions, continue to make strides daily so that I can live life on my own terms, doing worthwhile work, and go with the flow!

Peace,

Ashaki

Opening My Eyes During the Journey

Greetings. It is almost 10 pm in my city, partly cloudy, slightly humid with a cool breeze blowing. I have had an epiphany of sorts and I simply could not rest without speaking on it (or writing about it). I did not feel as though my family would not truly understand what I am talking about and probably couldn’t relate so here I am.

I have been studying quantum physics, brain mechanics, manifestation, and more for several years. I know that I have manifested some things but, I have always experienced a struggle in my relationship and attitude towards money. I recently purchased a MP3 recording that works on your subconscious mind. During the first session, I truly understand why manifesting money has been so difficult for me.

In my heart of hearts and ingrained in my subconscious mind lays the deep seeded belief that I am not good enough to have a lot of money, that I can never have attain what I desire, that it is not my destiny to experience wealth. Wow, typing that was hard and coming into that realization was eye opening.

Our lives can mark our subconscious with false beliefs that can hold perpetually hold us back. I grew up in poverty, so I know that life. But what would life be like if I was financially free? Can I even produce a visualization of what that looks like?

Now that I know. What next? Well, I tell you what. I am going to do some real work on reprogramming of the tape that is playing in the background. I am excited for the journey and all of the spiritual progress. It is a daily choice and my journey is just beginning. I am grateful for discovery and also knowing that without struggle, there will be no progress.

 

Good Night World,

Ashaki

Freedom is Frightening….

Greetings! I hope all is well in your “youniverse”. I am well now but today has admittedly been trying. I have been struggling to silence the negative lizard brain all freaking day! Why? Because I honestly am afraid of the changes that I know are coming. I decided last week to resign from my full- time job. I was not happy, and I am old enough to know when I must make a change.  I have been putting it off for a while, but the time had come for me to part and pursue other things.

Now, I know and overstand that my fears are not real. I am super talented, well learned, professional with a ton of options to make a living. My fears are founded in the fact that for my entire life, money has been scarce and struggle a constant. I was born into a very poor family and their relationship with money has always been a negative one; an unhealthy dance of paying bills late, scraping by, and never making a good living. Overcoming lifelong influences are super hard so today I was faced with those issues again.

I have meditated several times today, distracted myself with other things, performed self- talk, even saged myself. The voice finally stfu a few hours ago. But, I am left with the residuals, an anxiety that again is not substantiated by my circumstances presently. So, I find myself at my laptop, writing about my issue in hopes that my transparency helps someone else not feel like they are failing out here.

I am the first to admit that I also struggle with not feeling depressed about the accomplishments that I have yet to bring forth. And now that I have chosen to walk away from a full-time position with benefits, I feel crazy as hell. However, I am also at a time in my life that I know I cannot do anything that my spirit is not resonating with- no matter the benefits. I must pursue the things that I love full force going forward- no matter the level of discomfort that I feel at the unknown.

As brilliant as I am (insert sarcastic giggle here), I am unsure as to where my journey is leading me. I have applied a few places, but I am not entirely bought into the notion that I must work one full time job to maintain my lifestyle. I am certain that I will be working with multiple streams of income, performing various tasks and jobs to make my money. Freedom is so appealing. I have no idea what freedom looks like, but I think it is high time that I find out.

 

Peace,

Ashaki Omikunle Ali

 

Photo Cred: https://www.shutterstock.com/search/worried+business+woman?page=3&searchterm=worried%20business%20woman&safe=true&search_source=base_related_searches&language=en

Racing Ahead

Greetings fam! I hope all is well. Today, my youngest daughter and I created a beautiful memory together. We ran a 5K together! Now to bring this into perspective, my daughter is 10 years old and I have not run an entire 5K in 5 years. But nevertheless, we did it and I am filled to the brim with joy. As I sit here tonight, I have a few thoughts that I want to share (of course!)

  1. Mind over matter really works (sometimes)- My daughter has trained for 2 months for this 5K. I kept telling myself that I would train. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am pretty active. I do go to the gym as often as possible and I am a yogi. I also eat pretty healthily. However, I never trained. I knew that I would push myself to be in place for my daughter and that is just what the hell I did!
  2. Our children are truly watching, and they do want our support and approval. My daughter is very headstrong and opinionated (not unlike her mother). I never have considered that she was modeling my behaviors until today. I have always loved to run and be active. Watching her run by my side, in step, and with a look of sheer determination was heartwarming. Once we crossed the finish line, I felt how much she needed my encouragement and how much she appreciated my presence.
  3. Lastly, I got to see #blackgirlmagick in action. The young queens represented themselves so well. They were all so positive, so lovely, so determined. It was inspiring to be a part of the conglomerate. I have a desire to begin to work more with our girls. Today, the fire was stoked!

 

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Strange Fruit

Greetings! I hope this post finds you well on this Thursday morning. I have not written about the never-ending atrocities of racism that my people continue to experience in quite some time. However, things will never change unless we speak about them and act upon them.

The Waffle House killer, Travis Reinking, was taken into custody a few days ago. And although his bond has been revoked, I can not help but to feel infuriated that this murderer was able to stay on the lamb so long and not have a hair on his pretty little head hurt. This case has white privilege written all over it! I feel the same way that I felt when Dylan Roof was taken to get some food by cops after his capture. In the words of an old friend—I am 38 hot!

The names of my people who have been killed at the hands of police officers in Amerikkka over years is absolutely staggering. According to the Washington Post, 68 African Americans have been killed by police this year thus far and in 2017, 223 were killed by police. And according to mappingpoliceviolence.org, black people are 3 times more likely to be killed by police than their white counterparts.

There is no arguing with data. And although I am an artist at heart, I also believe in the power of numbers. My point is that the so-called justice system is truly a “just-us” system. It has been created to protect the interests of those who have held power in this country since its inception. The killings by police is straight up modern day lynching.

So, excuse me if I do not want to hold hands and sing “Kumbaya”.  Amerikka has still not stopped harvesting “Strange Fruit”. May the families of the 4 victims of the Waffle House killer find some semblance of peace in their life. They have my eternal respect.

 

Peace,

Ashaki

Being in the Presence of Greatness

Greetings and Happy Saturday! Yo, I am still feeling high and not because I took part in any extracurricular activities involving herbs. Last night, I saw a dream of mine come true; I saw Eric B. & Rakim live in concert. I cannot tell you how it felt watching him rhyme, move about the stage, speak to the crowd. For once in my life, I was star-struck.

He and Eric B. took us down memory lane. We heard “Don’t Sweat the Technique”, “Move the Crowd”, among other signs. They ended with the classic “Paid in Full”. The energy in the room was essentially the essence of pure hip hop at its finest. Other hip- hop royalty was in the room as well- Greg Nice, Special Ed, and one of my favorite female emcees, Yo-Yo. Yo-Yo put on one hell of a show as well, opening for Eric B. & Rakim.

This night is one of those moments that you wish never ended; a life-altering experience that will forever be etched in my mind. Over the past few years, I have had the opportunity to be in the presence of some of my heroes. Now, I can add the god MC to my bucket list. The living legend truly doesn’t know how impactful his jewels have been to me over the years.

So, in the words of my grandmother, “I believe I can run on!”. That show fed my spirit as I knew it would. I keep telling ya’ll I’m a hopeless hip hop romantic. Anyway, let me get out of this house and let my “third eye shine like jewelry”……

 

Peace,

Ashaki

I Can Feel It In the Air

Peace, peace, peace everyone! It has been much too long but, here I am- smiling from ear to ear. I have just finished the final edit of my book, “Life Is Still Good”, and I am over the moon. I have successfully talked myself out of publishing this book for the last 4 years and now I am finally in a place and space that I am confident enough to release it to the universe.

This book has been a labor of love; a truly transforming work. I share some of my deepest hurts, greatest triumphs, and longest held secrets. It has taken me years to cultivate the level of confidence that I have now. Do I still fear that the work won’t be well received? Of course, but the intention that I have placed within the pages overcomes any fear that I feel. This book is going to help some little girl someplace on this planet to know that her life is special and she does matter.

I am doing a special event on Facebook where I will be reading an excerpt live. I think it is important to read my words in my own voice. There is power in our voices and I have been blessed to have a very strong voice. If you would like to hear, like my page, I Lioness Publishing and tune in on Wednesday night at 8 pm EST.

Have you ever had a feeling that great things were coming……..Yeah, I am there right now.

 

Peace to the World,

Ashaki Omikunle Ali

37 Here I Come

Greetings! It is the eve of my 37th Solar return and I am feeling grateful for life, my family, my love, my growth, and so much more! The past few weeks have been super challenging and at times, downright depressing. I have had so much going on and not all positive- from my grandfather going missing, to someone stealing my identity on IG and attempting to scam my friends and followers under the guise of being “Coach Ali”, to a false social services report, and on and on.

But, through all of that, I still feel grateful. I am not over here falling apart, I am not losing sleep, I am not skipping meals. I am simply doing and being me. I have taken a hiatus from social media. Initially I thought that I would lose followers, momentum, etc. but I realize that the big picture is that whatever the universe has for me, all of the awesome things that could happen, will in due time. I have to focus on strengthening my spirit, enriching my soul, and truly focusing on my goals-with minimal distractions.

The book that I have been speaking about over the past few months is nearing completion! I am editing it and adding a bonus chapter. I have been making strides in my Afrikan products business and have also added a separate jewelry line that is doing well. I am going to reestablish my coaching business and hone in on a specific niche. And lastly, my personal life is going well- I am secure, I am at peace, and I feel loved. I have so much to be excited about and grateful for- I could go on and on but I won’t.

37 years young…..Damn time is flying. I don’t feel a day over 24. I have endured but I have just begun to live. My life today is a testament to the strength of the human spirit to endure seriously painful and trying times. May the rest of my days be a testament to the joy of life and the richness that can be experienced when one makes the decision to do so.

 

Peace & Innumerable Blessings,

Ashaki Ali

 

““I am evolving and it’s so damn beautiful.” Anonymous

Seeking the Past & Looking Towards the Future

Greetings fam! Willing all is well with you all today on this beautiful Sunday. I spent my Saturday with my children. I took The Tribe (my affectionate nickname for my children) first to the Charlotte Museum of History. They were having a free event in which we able to tour the property of the first magistrate of Mecklenburg County. He was also a slave owner and the descendant of the household cook, spoke on her journey of discovering her ancestor.

As we made our way up to the house, I instantly felt the heaviness of the spirits on the grounds. The house was made of stone and we learned that the house was built by the slaves and that the actual stone had to be blasted from the ground and pieces laid to build the house. When we entered the house, the dank smell overtook us and I could “see” how this magistrate and his family lived. He owned many acres of land and the slave quarters have not yet been discovered, yet we know they existed. I could feel the remnants of times past, the extreme weight of oppression, and how many of us continue to carry those burdens from their ancestors.

I strive to show proof to my children of our illustrious past but also the ugliness of all that has been done to us. I need for them to know their history, the roots in which they sprang from, the journey we continue to travel.  Knowing the type of people that you come from is so important because how can you know where you going if you don’t know where you came from.

I began many years ago, researching, digging, and seeking my ancestors. I have found many different characters, discovered some hard truths, and found peace in my discoveries. Some of the history was painful, some triumphant, but all of it helped to create the person that I am today. I stand on the shoulders of those who passed before me. I weep for their struggle and I smile at their tenacity. May peace be upon their spirits.

Visiting historical sites has always been important to me. I enjoy digging into the past and seeing how far we have come but also realizing how much further we must go. May you seek the past with determination as well and find more of yourself.

 

Peace, Love, & Abundant Light,

Ashaki

 

Photo cred: Literary Hub