Peace fam. I hope you are all well. I am absolutely exhausted and somewhat uneasy about what the future holds for me and my family. I have had to walk away from my full-time job and my life in Charlotte to go south and tend to my mother. She is doing much better than she was but finding a place of peace for myself, tending to her needs and the needs of my children, is very stressful. I am still seeking my peaceful spot and also my balance in this new chapter of my life. I wonder at times can I handle it all. I am sometimes very sure of myself and other times, I just want to cry but the alternative would have been to allow her to remain in an unsafe situation, which I could not do. It has taken us the last 9 days to get her house (which had been mostly unoccupied, besides thieves and drug addicts who had broken into the home) to get the place to feel somewhat like home.
Watching my mother feel down because she needs help is tough. She expresses to me the feeling of not being useful. I have to remind her that she is the elder in our family and my children (The Tribe Called Quest as I call them) very much need her in their lives as a positive influence. I remind her of the stories she has to tell, the memories to share, and the wisdom that she can bestow upon them.
In my heart of hearts, I know this decision was the best and most appropriate for my family and with time, I will find my stride. But, for now, I feel like I am lost at sea—the lighthouse is within my sight but I cannot quite get my sails to go forth against the storm in order to reach safety. This new week brings a new set of challenges—I have to get the Tribe off to school, get my mother to her appointments, and continue to work on this house. I also have just had an opportunity to set up my altar space in this house so offerings and prayers are on the top of the list. I am sure that this new chapter will bring blessings and opportunities in my life that I had not even imagined. I just have to allow the universe to deliver……
Ashaki Ma’at Mirembe Ali
(The Tru Lioness)